i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
