speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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