Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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