I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
