OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
