I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
they're like a gay fantastic four
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
