she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she pinky promised me she was 18
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
