is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
