last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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