Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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