I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
