some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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