I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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