glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
