Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize