So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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