I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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