Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Farmville is her only friend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
