If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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