apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
