im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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