You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize