Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
