this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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