Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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