yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
