Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize