We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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