CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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