So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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