why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
