shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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