Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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