he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you win again, gameday.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize