i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
