dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
