i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Found the puke drawer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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