But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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