I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
