my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
