I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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