2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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