Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
