TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
