I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
