Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
