I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Found the puke drawer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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