I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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