At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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