so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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