you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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