3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
