I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
