Even the bartender felt bad for me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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