He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
