i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
