I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
