Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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