umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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