my mouth tastes like poor choices
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
