Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
