Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
