Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK WHALES
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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