I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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