just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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