I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
