She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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