You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
