Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize