He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
