ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
