Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
