I'm really into asian looking animals
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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