dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize