I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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