Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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