is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
