I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
