Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
