And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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