Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
